Monday, February 23, 2015

Aaaaaand We're Are BACK!

Hello all,

It has been some time since I have written in here…too long. It has been maybe…two years now? A lot has happened since then…I finished my Massage Therapy certificate program at Seacoast Career Schools with a 3.9 GPA (High Honors), passed my Massage and Bodywork Licensing Exam (or MBLEx for short) with a score of 830, got a job at Massage Heights, and even got a promotion within 6 months of working there to the position of Team Leader (I oversee 6 people). I have loved and lost…made new friends, lost old…

All of which brings me to today, just going day-to-day doing pretty much the same thing…everyday. Unfortunately, this has heavily impacted my social life, but it is slowly on the mend.  I’m talking to more people than I have been, trying to hang out with some of these people, but because of the nasty snow that we have been getting recently, several plans have been put on hold. I’m ok with that…well not ok, but I know that I made the effort and I know the other parties involved are doing the same and we can just plan something else some other time.

I’ve been trying to wrack my mind for a decent “re-launching” of the blog, but have been unable to come up with anything good…other than a “what have I been up to,  type thing. I know it’s not exciting, but it lets everyone know what I have been up to. Who knows? Maybe you’ll learn something about me that you didn’t know before.  My goal for this year for the blog is to put out at LEAST one decent post a week, and have more than 10 active readers.  It’s a small goal, but I believe in baby steps to achieve results.

In other news, I’m gearing up for another Tough Mudder in June, and I am EXCITED! I had a blast at the last one I went to…and I’ll be going back to Maine in the Fall for another one! Two events in one year is awesome…some year, I hope to get a season pass and do like Eight in a year…so what does all of this mean? Weight loss and working out. I am slowly losing weight…though not as fast as I would like. At the beginning of the year I was back up to 230 lbs., and now I’m 218 lbs.  A decent drop…but now enough. I want to be under 210 lbs. by June. The biggest thing to help with that is a “proper” diet, which is my hardest area.

I LOVE FOOD. Plain and simple. I love eating…but unfortunately I need to rein in my desire to eat. It isn't conductive to my health and wellness plan. 

Well I think that this covers what I have been up to since August...I'll hopefully have a proper post by the end of the week.


Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Tough Mudder...There and Back Again: A Mudder's Tale part 2 0f 2

Well here is the big one! So, what is Tough Mudder?...I think this video says it best...from


I slept really well saturday night...I think I fell asleep at 9PM? I was very happy about this and I woke up at 4AM with a 5AM departure time. After I got up and got dressed, (More on this later.) I made some scrambled eggs with shredded cheddar cheese, a banana, and a cup of coffee. On the beautiful drive up, I drank a liter of water, and ate a protein bar. When I arrived to the BLUE LOT lot again, I walked to the shuttle station along with a big group of participants and as soon as we got on site, the energy could be felt...a mix of anxiety, and excitement. I went up to the Check-in area and went through with no problems. I got my bib, participation bracelet, my Dos Equis over 21 bracelet, and a bag drop tag for my bag of clothes for after the event. I went to the body marking station where I got my bib number written on my forehead, and both arms, (Just because.)

Once I went through all the preparations, I dropped off my bag and other belongings. Since I had time before I met up with my PUG (Pick Up Group) team, I wondered around the site, got another bottle of water, donated some money to the Wounded Warrior Project, got my hair cut into a mohawk, (Just for the event, I mean I should have a wild and crazy hair cut for a wild and crazy event.) And I watched some people participate in some fitness challenges. At around 830AM I met up with my team, (We had a 920AM start time) and we talked, talked about the event, got some tips from our 2x veteran leader Matt.

At 9AM we started walking to the pre-start speech...

When the time came for our start wave to start assembling, we walked over to the ”Pre-Start/ Warm-Up” area where we took part in some basic stretches and warm up exercises, which I was grateful for because God knows how badly I would need it. After some warming up, we got the pre-start briefing, how to summon the medics if needed, who came from which state, who was pumped and excited, etc. 
    After this, we got to job about 100 yards to (as my team leader called it,) the “Real Start speech, which was done by none other than the infamous Sean Corvelle!

 But before we could get to him, we had to cross our first obstacle…a 6 foot wall. To prove that the entire obstacle course was in fact an obstacle course, we had to get over this one to get to the start line. I made it over without assistance. 

   Now Sean…this guy was one of the most motivating and inspirational people I have ever met. He just has a way of captivating the audience.  If you haven’t heard him speak, look him up on youtube! He went over some more basics and reiterated some points (like how to summon medics,) He warned those who can’t swim to avoid the deep water obstacles (Like “Walk the Plank”), warned those that have had seizures, or have a pacemaker or any other metal in their bodies against “Electroshock Therapy”. He gave huge thanks to the people that have volunteered for Tough Mudder in the past and he made us (former volunteers) feel like we actually make a difference. He thanked the military for keeping us safe, gave a shout out to one of the Tough Mudder sponsers, the Wounded Warrior Project, and thanked the Firefighters, Police, and Emergency Medical Service personnel for keeping the public safe. Then came the part that I remember the most vividly…He told us that we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow…so make the most of today, to try and make everyday a “first time something.”…and finally, he gave a shout out to the Legionnaires, the ones who have endured “Probably the Toughest Event on the Planet” before, and told them to show the first-timers how to complete Tough Mudder…and show us they did. And then Sean welcomed the first-timers to Mudder Nation, and that IF we cross that finish line, we would officially become Tough Mudders and that he, the U.S. Army, a cold Dos Equis Beer, AND the coveted Tough Mudder Headband were waiting for us…and with that, Dropkick Murphey’s “Shipping Up to Boston” started playing and he counted us down from, 10, 9, 8 , 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! With every second, the crowd counted down with him, and we got lounder with each passing second, and at one, we gave a loud TOUGH MUDDER! And we were released onto the course. Sean was giving high-fives and hugs to those that wanted them as we passed…I went for the high-five and I got a loud Hoorah from Sean and the high-five…it was awesome.

Now for the course, the terrain wasn’t too bad…mainly rolling hills, and old golfing trails. The first ¾ of a mile were a bit slow, because of all the people running…luckily, the really fast people ran on ahead, and the slower people fell behind which put us in the thinish middle group. (Now from this point on, I will describe the obstacle, put up a picture of it, and my personal difficulty rating of 1-10 and of course, the amount of mud we encountered there.)

At the ¾ of a mile mark we hit our first obstacle, “Kiss of Mud”…

Description: We had to low crawl about 50 feet through deep thick mud…overhead we had barbed wire going across the six avenues only 8 inches from the mud.


Personal rating: 5/10 It isn’t too hard, just low crawling, the worst part were the rocks hidden in the mud, so my elbows and knees got a little beat up…so next time, I plan on having some form of protection for my elbows and knees.

Mud level: Very muddy! The entire front side of my body was covered in mud, at the end, I could probably fill a large sand bucket full of mud after I wiped it from my body.

After our first obstacle, we noticed that half of our team was having trouble keeping up…our leader Matt elected to stay behind with the slower half because he ran the event twice on Saturday so he was already pretty worn out. The other half of us started jogging to the next obstacle…we soon passed the 1-MILE marker…which came and went pretty quickly for us…we weren’t tired yet so that was pretty thrilling. After another half mile after the 1-MILE marker, we hit out second obstacle…the slower half of the group nowhere to be seen.  So the fast group tackled the next obstacle…”Mud Mile”


DESCRIPTION: Walk and crawl your way through deep mud pits crawl your way over walls of mud for 100 feet.


Personal rating: 5/10 After the beginning, I slipped down and plopped into a pit of mud as deep as my chest. So I kinda had to swim/struggle my way out, then as a team we boosted each other over steep mud walls, back into another mud pit, this one wasn’t as deep…maybe waist deep? Then another wall, then another waist deep pit, and then the other slope at the end.

Mud Level: Very muddy! My entire lower body was covered and I got some on my face from the initial splash after I jumped in.

We waited for the slower group to catch up with us. After some discussing, we agreed to officially become two groups, the faster group comprising of Me, Kelly, and Jen; and the slower group, Matt, Alex, and Susan. Once we had that settled we waved good bye to our former team members and left. We passed the 2-MILE marker soon after and we ran through more rolling hills, mud pits and trails and we came to our third obstacle, Pit fall…


DESCRIPTION: As the name entails, there were pitfalls…basically, there was a large muddy pit where we had to wade through and cross to the other side. The catch? Beneath the murky surface there were giant 2ft deep holes scattered through out the obstacle.


Personal rating: 2/10 Definitely the easiest obstacle so far. You just have to be careful  not to hurt yourself, because once you step into one hole, you generally try to correct and balance yourself with the foot NOT in the hole, and usually there is another hole where you put THAT foot and you’ll topple over and get muddy and wet…lots of fun though.

Mud Level: Kinda muddy, You’ll definitely get wet, but the mud is more watered down, so you’ll get some mud.

After that obstacle, we jogged some more, not really tired yet, passed mile 3, saw our first injury…some guy had a hole in his knee. More hills and trails and of course lots of mud.

We came to our fourth obstacle soon after, Quagmire…


DESCRIPTION: As the name suggests, it was a quagmire…a deep pit filled with mud, it was probably waist deep. Not strenuous at all.


Personal rating: 1/10 All it is is walking through slightly thick mid.

Mud Level: Kinda muddy. Again, the mud was kinda watered down.

Mile 4 came and went and it was probably a quarter mile till we came to our next obstacle, “Pyramid Scheme” …the first real team focused obstacle so far.


DESCIPTION: Basically, you and your team must make it up a slippery half-pipe by making a human pyramid. One of the cool things about this obstacle is how every one gives a helping hand, regardless, of if they’re if on your team or not. I personally pulled up 4 or 5 people after my team got up.


Personal Rating: 8/10 This was definitely a hard one to complete, if you don’t have the people or strength…and this is an obstacle that you can’t really do on your own.  I got up pretty easily because I had a great team to get me up and a strong guy giving me a hand at the top. 

Mud factor: None, other than the ankle deep pit at the base of the half pipe.

The distance between Pyramid Scheme and the next obstacle was probably another quarter of a mile…this time it was all through the woods…and then we came to a clearing with “Trench Warfare”, our next obstacle.


DESCIPTION: Basically, you’re crawling through a hole in the ground…like a gopher. It goes straight, left, straight, right and the straight to the end.


Personal Rating: 7/10 It was somewhat difficult, due to how close the walls were and lack of room and the first three quarters of it were dark.  Also, there was a bunch of rocks toward the ends. So I got some more scrapes and scratches.

Again, we started jogging again and before we knew it, we were at “Walk the Plank” It was like a quarter mile to the obstacle, and we were happy to have it so close to Quagmire…it meant another break.


DESCRIPTION: You climb up some planks and then…YOU WALK THE PLANK, I think it’s a 20 ft. drop into 12 ft. deep water. Then you swim to the shore and pull yourself up with cargo nets. LOTS of FUN…if you’re afraid of heights, you might have some trouble on this one.


Personal Rating: 1/10 Not hard at all, its LOTS of FUN. Again, the hardest part is actually doing the jump. It can be a little nerve wracking especially since you’re wearing clothes.

Mud Level: None really. It’s more of a chance to get rinsed off of all the mud that you’ve accumulated thus far…you feel like a new person after…but that feeling is short lived as you go right back into the mud. ;-)

After "Walk the Plank", we started jogging yet again...(lots of jogging here) and we hit mile 5...and to welcome us...the "Berlin Walls"


DESCRIPTION: Like it sounds like, this obstacle is a couple of very tall walls that you have to get over. Definitely not doable on your own unless you are crazy strong and tall as the walls are like 12ft. tall.


Personal Rating: 7/10 Definitely a tough one. For one, you're high in the air at the top and then you have to reply on self control and others to help you up and down...there are two walls. So once you do turn around and do another. Lots of fun though.

Mud level: None really...besides the residual mud from peoples clothes.

Shortly after the "Berlin Walls" came the obstacle that I enjoyed the fact there wasn't much like there at all...this obstacle? The "Funky Monkey"


DESCRIPTION: Remember the monkey bars at school when you were a kid? Well its that...but worse you start on an incline and depending on the course you could dip down, back up then down again...or in my case incline halfway, decline halfway.


Personal Rating: 10/10 This one I failed miserably...I only made it in 3 rungs before I fell to the nasty waters below...and after I slipped and fell and cut my yeah Funky Monkey? I hate you.

Mud Factor: None

Once I nursed my pride a little, we continued on and came to our next obstacle..."Glory Blades".


DESCRIPTION: Kinda like the Berlin Walls...except Glory Blades are at an angle towards you, so it's harder and its not quite so tall.


Personal Rating: 7/10 Another challenging one to do by yourself...teamwork is a much better option here.

Mud Level: None

I left that obstacle feeling better about least I did it. We came and passed by Mile 6 and we came to another of my least favorite obstacles..."Pole Dancer" (Don't you love these names? lol)


DESCRIPTION: You try to carry yourself along two metal poles that are sloped using ONLY your arms and hands. In some cases there is water beneath you, for me it was thick nasty mud...


Personal Rating: 10/10 the only other one that I failed to do...I maybe went 5 inches before I fell into the mud...quite depressing.

Mud Level: Kinda muddy...only because I fell in. If you're strong enough, you can bypass the mud.

So after that learning experience, we started walking because hey, we're past mile 6 now...we're getting tired. we came to our next obstacle...a personal favorite because it pays tribute to our Wounded Warriors...this obstacle? The "Warrior Carry".


DESCRIPTION: You carry someone for 50 meters...and then you switch positions and they you get carried for 50 meters.


Personal Rating: 8/10 I had a lighter girl to carry...but said girl had to carry it all depends on who you're with...

Mud Level: None

We passed miles 7 and 8...this was a looong stretch. and we came to probably my favorite and most hated obstacle (Sorry Funky Monkey) at the same time...the one and only "Arctic Enema"...


DESCRIPTION: You jump into a dumpster full of water and ice where you have to duck under a barricade and emerge on the other side and climb out. Did I mention that it's 35 degrees?


Yeah, this guy felt about right...It sucked.

Personal Rating: 9/10 The hard part about it is once you jump in, all your muscles just freeze and don't want to work...this obstacle SUCKS, It's beyond freaking cold. It SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS. But I would gladly do it again...I see your ALS Ice bucket challenge and I raise you an Arctic Enema. Beat that.

Mud Level: None...but you get kinda clean again.

One we got out of frozen hell, and running around so we could attempt to warm up again...all the while asking each other why we let each other do that to ourselves we slowly started on towards our next obstacle..."Devil's Beard" Why it's called that, I have no idea.


DESCRIPTION: You have to crawl/walk through mud while going under a cargo net...which is pretty heavy.


Personal Rating: 6/10 It wasn't too bad...Keeping the net up was a pain. But if you have a tall guy keep him in the middle of the group so he can keep the net off everyone else.

Mud Level: Kinda muddy if you opt to crawl...don't know why you would though.

So after that small obstacle we started going up a very steep hill with ropes and the ground was VERY SLICK with mud...once we got up to the top then down the other steep side did we find out that we just did..."Cliff Hanger"


DESCRIPTION: You have to make it up a very steep slick hill, and then safely make it to the bottom on the other side. Ropes may or may not be there.


Personal Rating: 8/10 I didn't have the proper shoes for this obstacle so I was slipping and sliding everywhere and having a hard time of it...but I had a great team and Kelly, who had proper shoes acted as an anchor so I could pull myself up to her and then move to the top with some big guy.

Mud Level: Lots of mud if you fall.

Mile 9 finally came. we were greeted with our fifth and final water station where we had a restroom break and enjoyed some water...and then we moved on to......"Balls to the Wall".


DESCRIPTION: Basically you have a 15 ft. wall with a plank of wood as a toe hold every 4-5 feet and a top to help pull us up.


Personal Rating: 9/10 This is the only obstacle I hurt myself on really...I pulled a calf muscle on my way up. You have to hang on real tight and NOT let go...or else you may have to visit the friendly medics...

Mud Level: None

after we went up and over and down, we started on to our next obstacle...I slowed the group down due to my leg...but we were still jogging/walking. Our next obstacle is another favorite of mine...and it's called "Everest".


DESCRIPTION: Its another half-pipe where you have to run up it and hopefully make it to the top or grab a hand from a fellow mudder.


Personal Rating: 6/10 I didn't find it that hard. I was lucky enough to make it up without a I was quite happy with that especially after my leg incident.

Mud Level: None besides the residual mud left from other mudders.

At this point I was too sore from my leg to continue jogging so I told my team mates to go and wait for me at the finish line...they did so, so I hobbled and limped from Everest to the last but certainly not least obstacle..."Electroshock Therapy"...


DESCRIPTION: You run through a muddy area with hay bales in the way and electric wires coursing with 10,000 volts of electricity dangling from the ceiling. 


Personal Rating: 8/10 This was another favorite of mine...though I don't recall too much...I remember getting zapped a few times in the arm, then a guy fell across where I was running causing me to slip and fall...and as I was getting up I got hit in the head by 3-4 wires...which caused my to go limp for a second lol...but it was still lots of fun.

Mud Level: Very muddy! Making for lots of slipping and falling.

After this famous obstacle was the glorious finish line...we were greeted my Army personnel and volunteers giving high-fives and hugs and crowning us with the coveted Tough Mudder headband...and from then, we got our beer, celebrated and said our thanks and good byes...over all it was an AMAZING experience and one that I want to do again soon...I would high encourage everyone to give it a try...

In the end, I can now call myself a Tough Mudder...

Now I am going to work on getting the status of Legionnaire.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Tough Mudder...There and Back again: A Mudder's Tale part 1 of 2

Hello one and all, from the ashes of this blog rises, (once again) a new post! Since my last post I have graduated Massage School with a 3.94 gpa, and have secured a job at Massage Heights in Bedford. While that is all well and good, I have more fun and exciting news...I have fulfilled a dream of participate and complete a Tough Mudder event! And that is what this post will be about, starting with my volunteering on Saturday to my participating on Sunday...without further ado...


Well, my day started at 3:30 AM when I woke up and got dressed, had a cup of coffee before I started the 1 hr 50 minute drive to Westbrook, Maine. Luckily, it was pretty easy to get to the event site, so I didn't get lost. I arrived at my designated parking lot, the BLUE LOT. The parking area was just a field nothing special. A bunch of other people were there so we gathered at one end of the field and waited there for further instructions. After about 10 minutes of waiting, one of the Senior Parking Attendants came over and told us that we were supposed to walk a little further down the road to a shuttle area where a bus would take us to and from the event site. The ride was about 10 minutes, not too bad...everyone was already excited and pumped for the day ahead. Once we arrived on site, we disembarked and found the building where we would check in and out of, the Volunteer HQ. We were greeted by our TMHQ Volunteer Coordinator Allison and given some basic instructions to get in line, hand in our waivers, check in, get a volunteer bracelet as well as a pretty cool "Tough Mudder Most Valuable Player 2014" bracelet. Once we got that stuff out of the way, we got our orange volunteer t-shirts, name tag and a free Tough Mudder bag. Since I was one of the first people there, I helped check other people in. Once 6:00 rolled around, we got our intro briefing, how to summon medical help, make sure to stay hydrated, etc. We were given our roles and given to our TMHQ leaders. I was part of the Check In crew,  which was responsible to checking in the participants, spectators and the legionnaires, (people who have completed more than one event.) During my shift, 7AM-1:30PM I probably checked in over 800 participants, out of the 6400 participants that day. My job was easy, using an iPod, I used an eventbrite app to scan the participants ticket, and if they didn't have the tickets on hand, I manually searched for their name in the database. After my shift was over The morning volunteers went back to Volunteer HQ to check out and to receive our perks, A Dos Equis beer token if we wanted a cold one after our shift, a light lunch, a 20% off merchandise coupon, a bracelet from the Wounded Warrior Project, and the most important, our volunteer discount to run a future event. A few of the other volunteers and I stayed awhile after and walked along the Spectator route to see some of the Obstacles like Everest, Balls to the Wall, Fire in Your Hole, Boa Constrictor and Sewage Outlet. When we left we were beyond excited for Sunday. STAY TUNED FOR SUNDAY!!

Friday, September 13, 2013

Only Time Will Tell...


It has been a looong time since I have written anything here...and a LOT has happened! Mostly good...some bad. I've finished my first term or "Mod" in school and I can proudly say that I got High Honors which is an "A" in all my classes...and I might even get Director's List...which is a perfect 4.0's definitely going to be close. So yeah.

I got an "A" in Art of Massage.
I got an "A" in Chair Massage.
I got an "A" in Medical Terminology
...and I got an "A" in Pathology...somehow.

Speaking of which...I had the most infuriating and bizzare final for Med Term...I will give you this Final now...

1) What is your name?
2) How many fingers are on your left hand?
3) How many birds are in a flock?
4) What is your teacher's name?
5) What color is your hair (TODAY)?

That was my final...I swear to all that is good and holy...granted there was an actual test with actual Med Term stuff on it...but that isn't the one that counted...I didn't give myself the score I got on the real final...but took the score I got on the fake one...which was 100% either way...but still. I was pretty annoyed for a while.

I've also been on 2 field trips so far and both went pretty well. the first one was a Blood Drive in concord...that was a slow one. I only managed to do 4 chair massages...and one of them was a student so she didn't really count.

My second trip was much better. We went to a wellness fair for the NH DOT...also in Concord. I massaged probably...10-11 people, had fun with some of the other students...and yeah. It went well. Tomorrow is my next massage event...and this time it is at...THE BEACH!! Pretty nifty! AND this time, it'll be table sports massage...which is just a rougher form of can be quite...interesting. ;-)

But yeah, looking back...this month has been AWESOME! I've met some really awesome people and even got a really cool close friend from it and she has helped me study and relax and knew how to help de-stress me...definitely a cool person.  Next term will be interesting because we will have 1st, 2nd, and 3RD modders...all in one class. I feel bad for the teacher...and who is that teacher??...IT'S MARK AGAIN!! =D =D =D The guy is...amazing!

But yeah...aside from that...I had to do something today that I was dreading for a while...but it had to be done...Im really hoping that this situation works out the way I hope it will...but I have the feeling that it won't...I can hope and pray though...I'll know by Wednesday the final outcome...and man, I haven't been this anxious about something in a long, long time.

Well, I have to go get ready for tomorrow...till next time.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Another week come and gone...

Well, as the Title says...another week has come and gone.

The weeks go by too quickly for my liking. Now it is Saturday night, and it feels like Sunday was just yesterday. A lot has happened this week though, in many aspects. I got my first couple 100%'s in school as well as a 99%, I learned of several massage field trips that I will be going on. The first is coming up this coming Wednesday the 21st for a blood drive in Concord. The Second will be the following Wednesday for the NHDOT, and the other will be happening at Hampton Beach for the Race to the Beach Relay...which is a 200 mile relay race from Cannon Mountain to Hampton Beach...or something like that. Either way, I get to practice what I have learned thus far, and that is an exciting thought.

Other than that, the girl that I have been trying to get to open up with people has finally been opening up...a tiny bit. She is a small, shy and anxious person...kinda like me a few years ago. I'm excited to see how this next week will go. A couple of others have taken to me as well...actually, everyone seems to like me...oddly enough. But I tend to stay with the older crowd...what that says about me, you decide.

In other news, I think that I may be coming down with something which is BAD BAD BAD BAD!! I can't afford to get sick during school...I wan't to get my Perfect Attendance award at school...and maybe even High Honors or Director's List...only time will tell...but for now, I CAN'T get sick!! I won't let it happen.

Sorry for the choppiness of the mind is everywhere and Im just trying to empty it...since I don't have people to talk to physically in person. That is another reason I can't wait for Monday and school, I get to see and talk to people...whereas on the weekend, there's nuthin'. and that sucks. Today for example seemed to last FOREVER! I mean I hate that it's only 9:10 PM...that means that I still have 3ish good hours until I start feeling tired.

I am planning on moving out of the Northeast sometime in the next few years...right now, possible destinations include... the three west coast states, Arizona, or Florida...specifically, Oregon, Washington, California, Arizona, that order.

There just isn't anything left for me up here in the Northeast...nothing but painful memories and heartache...don't get me wrong, there have been some wonderful memories made up here...but that is all they are...memories of a time gone past.  But yeah...I plan on moving sometime.

And that brings me to my next subject. For the past couple of weeks, this song really seems to be me:

I guess its because, for the past few weeks, I seem to be doing ok, I try to hold my head up and smile and act all confident and chill and whatever. But after a while, I just collapse on myself. I know I shouldn't let things get like this but it is REALLY hard with the military training that I have had to just suck it up, hold it all in, show no weakness...Its ingrained in me, indoctrinated in my very being. I try to talk to people, but it feels like complaining or that people will think less of me. Again, I know this isn't the case, but it's programmed.

I may have a rough exterior with the cold eyes, and stern demeanor, but that is just the outer appearance. But really, I'm  a quiet sensitive much as I hate to admit it. I had more to say...but for some reason, it escapes me.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Can't Sleep...Maybe This Will Help

So it's...
   early Tuesday morning...4:06AM to be precise...I woke up a couple of hours ago and I can't fall back asleep so I figured while I'm up, I might as well write another blog entry. Right now I just finished listening to "Me Ole Bamboo", an awesome song from the movie "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" which so happens to be one of my childhood favorites.

Yesterday was pretty awesome, especially compared to last week. I got up early at 6AM and showered, shaved and all that happy stuff, stopped by Dunkins...(I wish it was starbucks) and got a French Vanilla coffee and a chocolate chip muffin then got to school where I got to sit on the patio overlooking the river and just chill...well, not really. I was quizzed on the material that we would be going over. I'm quickly establishing my position as the guy everyone wants to study with because with the two quizzes that I have taken so far, I have consistently done leaps and bounds better than the rest, but that isn't me. It's God. Speaking of school, I found this meme...and it's pretty accurate haha:

But anyway, today we have a Medical Terminology quiz...two of them actually. I feel like I am more than ready for them. But back to yesterday. We hung out and just did some last minute studying, then went to class. My first class everyday is The Art of Massage and yesterday we stripped out of our shirts and further practiced draping which is an art in and of itself. We did that for two hours, then we had our Pathology class for FOUR hours. During one of our breaks, I introduced the AMAZING song that is "Echa Pal'le" is SUCH A FUN SONG! Pathology is such a interesting and fun subject. For those that don't know, Pathology is the study of disease processes and there are some interesting things out there.

But yeah...then at the end of the day, one of my class mates talked to me about joining Student Council...which I decided to do and will do next monday. Apparently the massage students are under represented. 

My class mates are pretty cool...and very diverse. We have...

-A former soldier
-A former EMT-I
-A hipster (in dress only) She's actually a very cool artistic person...but she hates Phil Collins.
-A really shy anxious introvert

just to name a few.

Since I started, my mind has been opened to a whole new world of different ways of healing and seeing the world...I mean even a year ago, I would have sworn that traditional conventional medicine is the answer to everything...but now, things are different. I'm seeing the affect of yoga, meditation, massage, etc. can have on people.

But anyways, that is all for now...time to see about getting some rest before I officially get up.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Yup, It's finally happened...for real.

Someone has gotten past my intricate personal security system. Let got me to let my guard down and let me to realize that I was telling myself lies just to try to mask how I was really feeling and man that SUCKS! She saw right past it all and into the very heart of my soul, bare and naked. I don't even know how to handle something like that.

I hate feeling so exposed to someone...her eyes were like daggers piercing through every defense I could throw up...but it didn't work. I trust her...and she knows it. She knows that Im not truly least not like I used to be. She knows that im hurt and lost...and the worst part was the sad look in her eyes...Things used to be so simple even just over a week ago. It's weird how much things can change in a week. My world was stood on it's head and just hanging on to a thread of hope that something will change for the better. I mean, I had it all, a week ago! I had a job, going to school and getting PAID to go and study a subject that I find fascinating and life changing, and I had the girl of my dreams...only to lose her. I mean she met every qualification and then some! She was a dancer, she was funny and beautiful, she understood me, and the list goes on! She is now the standard...but honestly...I'm not interested in another...and I hope I don't ever get interested.

It hurts too much to open myself to another only to have it shoved in my face 2-10 months later...It actually sucks being so vulnerable to people. But that's life I guess...The other thing that she made me see was how lost I am...I don't really feel like I have identity with anything...I just feel like some guy trying to make it through life. I want to change this...but I have a very destructive nature and one that is prone to depression...I never used to be, but ever since Afghanistan, that's changed. But hey, as long as she's happy, then that is what matters.

Maybe I just need to leave everything behind and
start fresh...move to one of the other corners of the country with no ties to anyway and never come back...who am I kidding, I'll never get out of the North East. The song of choice that would describe how I feel would be this song...

But mind is in knots right now and I can't organize my this will be the end of this post till I can straighten my thoughts out...